Friday, January 15, 2010

Dot-Com Strangelove: Or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Blog

I'm going to start a new segment called Irrelevant Things in Popculture That I Love:

Let's start off with my woman, Sheryl Crow. Her songs are just about as enjoyable as licking Baby-dipped dumpster turkey off a homeless man's ass, and she hasn't been relevant since like 2003 when she did that song with Kid Rock. She rarely wears bras, but sure knows how to get a song stuck in your head. She is important to me because she is such a dirty lady. A recap of her top hits will surely remind you:

1. If It Makes You Horny
2. All I Wanna Do (is Fuck)
3. Soak up the Cum
4. Every Day is a Winding Chode
5. The First Cunt is the Deepest

Next Up-- I propose a quandary-- is Lil Wayne's "Every Girl" misogynist or does it celebrate women? I'm having trouble with lyrics like...."If she let me in, Imma own that pussy" and then Drake's "I will fuck wit all ya'll, all ya'll are beautiful". All women are beautiful and they are fuckable, but I can't be faithful because they're unbelievably tempting and when we do fuck I will chop you like red meat. It sounds respectable. Drake got mad street cred for this song. I still can't get over lil Wheelchair Jimmy singing about "pussy pussy pussy", but he DID date Hazel...


Meanwhile, the song, "Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It" hits upon important gender disparities in sexual relationships. Yes, she can have sex with you "lean wit it, rock wit it" as they so cutely call it. BUT HOWEVER THERE IS AN EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCE. "You gotta suck a cock wit it". Fellatio is of prime importance in men's sex lives, whereas girls, they could dance either on the floor or on your cock, and they'd be fine either way.

I think the Teletubbies have contributed vastly to this discussion of roles of masculinity and femininity within the realm of oral sex with their breakthrough music video:

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