Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Me toil part time at jah coldstone creamery

I have the biggest crush on Andy Samberg.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Secret recipes and songs that define them

Today I was at Scottish Bakehouse and the nervous worker girl-bee knocked over a whole display of chips. I told her, "Don't worry today I fell on my ass in the bathroom. Tripped on the rug. Fell into the trash can. Now I have a bruise on my butt". I think it made her feel better. And it was 100% fact.

Your year is only as good as its soundtrack, right?
The famous Summer09 mix bestowed upon DJ Cartel I will now reveal, mainly for my own memory's sake:

1. Electric Feel- MGMT*
2. I Want you Back- Jackson Five
3. ABC- Jackson Five
4. Bingo- MIA*
5. Glass Danse- The Faint
6. The Way You Make Me Feel- Michael Jackson*
7. P.Y.T.- Michael Jackson*
8. Wanna Be Startin' Something- Michael Jackson
9. Ya Mama- The Pharcyde
10. So What'cha Want- The Beastie Boys
11. Sabotage- The Beastie Boys
12. Body Movin' -The Beastie Boys
13. I'll Be There For You- Method Man
14. How High- Method Man and Red Man
15. Work It- Missy Elliott*
16. Rump Shaker Radio Remix- Wreckx-n-Effect*
17. Time to Pretend- MGMT
18. Move your Feet- Junior Senior*

* songs that are part of my human definition.

Current favorites: Of Montreal, Donovan, Michael Jackson

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Help! My Husband is an Idiot!

Saw this ridiculous article while checking my email Called 10 Things Husbands Should Never Do.

"Guys, we love you, we really do. But as wonderful as you are, every so often you do something that makes us want to jump out the nearest window (or push you out first). Please, please, don’t ever…

1. Offer to “babysit” your own kids. When your 16-year-old neighbor does it, it’s called babysitting. When a parent does it, it’s called child care, and it lasts for at least 18 years. Get it?

Katie reaction: It's a slip of the tongue. Who cares? I feel like I have to babysit myself, boyfriends, family and friends before. Yeah it would get annoying if they didn't realize they are a parent but how is this #1?/span>

2. Imply that office work is harder than housework. At the end of a hard day, there may be smoke coming out of your ears, but let’s face it: You’ve basically been sitting on your butt. That same smoke is coming out of our ears too—but we’ve cleaned the house, shuttled the kids around, run errands all over town and lugged grocery bags besides. When we say we’re exhausted, we are exhausted.

Katie Reaction: Agreed. Only, helllooo?? I love how this article suggests that it's only offensive because of course the wife was at home making lunch and driving the kids to soccer. She would NEVER be at work herself.

3. Give a home appliance as a gift. Forgive us if we can’t work it up for this one. A new washing machine? Really? Can we get you some new snow tires?

Katie reaction: I don't know. It may not be a new ring (God forbid we don't get jewelry!!) but if I didn't have a washing machine and my husband got me one I'd be like hell fuckin yeah they got me a several thousand dollar machine. You can take the undies off the clothesline, honey.

4. Buy us the “cougar” perfume. Under our crew-neck sweaters may beat the heart of an untamed vixen—but most of us don’t want to smell like one. (Nice try, though.)

Katie Reaction: This really depends on the perfume. Perfume is nice, though. And wtf is cougar perfume?

5. Brag about your driving. This is supposed to let us know that ours isn’t so great. If my husband tells me one more time that he’s been “accident-free since 1978,” I’m going to reach over, grab the wheel and make the car swerve into something, just to shut him up.

Katie Reaction: You're going to make the car crash because you chose to marry a misogynist prick who makes comments about your driving? Shame on you, you really bad driver, you.

6. Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble. I don’t know whose fault this is (Food Network? Julie and Julia?), but every so often we get the idea that it would be fun to make stock and spend the day basting. If the result is less than earth-shattering, say something nice anyway.

Katie Reaction: Say thanks but if my soup tastes like Richard Simmons crotch please be vocal. See also: let him cook for himself

7. Buy clothes without trying them on. We know that the second you get into a department store you start to feel faint, but do us a favor and take the extra five minutes. Otherwise, you know who gets stuck with the returns?

Katie Reaction: Wow, my husband is such a ditz he doesn't know his own size!!! This doesn't seem like an occurrence that would even happen that often. Just don't return it. It's his responsibility/his money

8. Know it all, especially in public. Oh, honey. While you’re going on at length about whatever it is, we’re taking the temperature of the room, and we know everyone’s starting to fidget.

Katie Reaction: Don't marry someone boring as hell with Alzheimer's.

9. Say anything remotely critical about our new haircut. Sometimes getting a new cut goes well; sometimes it doesn’t. Usually we know the difference. Don’t rub it in.

Katie Reaction: Mostly true, but a little commentary isn't bad. I'm sure the girl that wrote this article would complain about her husband's bad haircut.

10. Expect a medal for doing a little housework. Umm…it’s your house too, right? For now, we’ll give you the bronze. Maybe someday, if you work hard enough, you can pick up a gold.

Katie Reaction: First one I actually completely agree with. I hate when anyone thinks they are commendable for doing something you do around the house every week. "Wow, you finally got off your ass, congrats". Drop the medal metaphor, thanks.

It's winter break. I'm home alone. I'm reading really bad articles online and jezebelling them. Sry.